The End is Only a New Beginning

 

Suddenly I'm standing there at the railway station. My belongings from the last 9 months are packed down in two heavy suitcases standing next to me. I remember how everything seemed so strange and unreal when I arrived. How I felt like when I arrived in a city where noone knew me or understood me. It's not before now that I realise that I'm leaving. Not before I'm stepping on to the train alone, looking at Alexandre and Amélie standing at the platform. The goodbye kisses were too short. My face changed from joyful to serious in some minutes. Right there, I wish I could live everything over again. I wish I could have just one more week, at least one more day with them. Nothing extraordinary, just to share another laugh, another meal. Just being able to say "see you tomorrow!"

A week ago I was busy enjoying the suddenly arrived summer. At the same time I was trying to prepare for the big last exam which would give me a diploma proving that my french is good enough for university studies. Mostly busy enjoying the heat, and starting to empty my appartment. I slowly started to think that I should bring out my suitcase soon, as my things seemed to have doubled. (I blame Zara for that one) However, my mind was mostly focused on all the things I wanted to do one last time. I wanted to eat crêpes with the Goebel's one more time at my balcony. I wanted to watch one more Norwegian movie with them. Then I wanted to go out dansing salsa one more time and go to the redigulously cheap vodka bar. Eat nutella, drink rosé vin and buy a fresh baguette. However, I was never sad doing all those things one last time, cause they felt so natural. So ordinary, but yet so pleasant.

After my last exam, I was exhausted, but happy. I'd accomplished what I came to do in Montpellier. On the other hand, I didn't feel like I was done. I couldn't believe that I was supposed to leave only two days later. Even though I thought about it, I wasn't upset. I just wanted to spend my last time in the best company. As I was emptying out my appartment, I tought about that I would miss my cat (and for sure my balcony), but apart from that, I was ok. After all, it's only walls and furniture.

Saturday was perfect. I was still waiting for the rush of sad feelings, but they left me alone. Luckily. As the sun was (not surprisingly) shining from a clear sky, we finally got to try out the new tramway to the beach. Happiness! Alexandre, Amélie and I spend the afternoon doing what we do best; chatting, tanning and talking about funny/rude people around us. (How did those american tourists dare to say that french people are weird? Or listen to rap-music in public??) I convinced them that the water was actually not too cold (I'm Norwegian - the Mediterranean can never be cold) and we didn't even get sunburned. Chill.

"La soirée" was spent on my balcony. Amélie had made crêpes (delicious!!) which was accompanied with strayberries and wine. "Le cerise sur le gateau quoi!" As I really wanted to let them know how much I appreciate them as neigbours and friends, I gave them a photo album with pictures from all the things we've done together. After all, without their patience and interest in my learning prosess, I would never have reached my current level of french. The sight of their excitement about it was priceless. Definitely the best gift I've ever given. The night was so warm - summer had definitely arrived. How can I leave tomorrow? How can I leave now?

My legs feels weird, as they had walked on to the train automaticaly. Now they are just standing there, because they had too. I thought I would be more excited about going home. More lighthearted. How many times had I not taken the train in excitement towards a new destination. But this time, I don't have a return ticket. I have to find my seat. My heart feels so big, as it suddenly becomes the host of frustration, sadness and love. Love for the city and for the people I've met. For the people that made my France. But mostly, for my two good friends that are waving at me from the other side of the window. 

 




10 kommentarer

Kathrine

30.05.2012 kl.15:05

Du skriver så fint Jeanette! Gleder meg til å se deg igjen og høre mer om det franske livet ditt:D Mest sannsynlig fortsetter det nok om ikke så lenge, vet du:)

Jeanette

30.05.2012 kl.15:23

Tusen takk Kathrine, håper du har rett!:) Håper å se deg denne uka i Oslo!! Klem

Amélie

30.05.2012 kl.21:38

Oh Jeanette, you managed to make me cry with that beautiful article of yours, you write so well and everything's so true and honest.

And you made our stay in Montpellier a great experience too, I am really glad you were here at the same time as us. Can really feel the emptiness here without you!

bisous xx

PS: You should become a writer ;)

Tirida:)

30.05.2012 kl.22:40

Så utrolig fint du skriver!! <3

Jeanette

31.05.2012 kl.23:07

Amelie, thanks a lot for your lovely comment, it means a lot to me<3 I really wanted to write something honest and put my feelings into words, like that it's easier to accept them:) Glad you liked what I wrote. I hope it's going better at work! I wish we could have dinner toether again!! We'll have to skype some day when I'm home with my family:D And about becoming a writer..maybe a journalist??;) Bisous

Jeanette

31.05.2012 kl.23:08

Tusen takk Tirida!<3 Gleder meg til aa se deg i morgen:D

Miiiiit

07.06.2012 kl.21:43

Ja! du er helt rå til å skrive! Det hørtes ut som en perfekt avsluttning med gode venner rundt!!!

<3

Jeanette

08.06.2012 kl.23:29

Tusen takk Mitra<3 Ja det var en veldig bra siste helg - kunne ikke vært bedre. Godt å høre fra deg forresten!! Savner deg veldig.. alt bra?? Sendte deg mld på facebook:)

Miit

09.06.2012 kl.14:13

Jeg er super stressa, så er ikke på FB eller noenting :S Men det går greit, har bare nok å holde på med mot sommeren. savner DEG også!!! uff jeg gleder meg skikkelig til en rolig møte med deg i juli/august engang!! until then ta vare på deg selv my love! <3

Jeanette

10.06.2012 kl.20:21

Huff, skjønner det vennen, ble bare litt bekymra! Tusen takk for et lite livstegn i hvert fall:D Men sendte deg noen veldig viktige meldinger på face.. Gleder meg masse til å se deg også, og ønsker deg lykke til med eksamenslesing:-* Du er fliiink!!!<3

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